Dear Ms. Knitilda,
It has recently come to our attention that you are conducting an Ugly Handknit Xmas Sweater Contest.
While we understand that some of your readers may be amused by this contest, we object to the exclusion of machine-knit and store-bought sweaters on the grounds that it is discriminatory and mean.
Machine-knit and store-bought Xmas sweaters have been a staple of holiday festivities since Elizabethan times, at least since Rev. William Lee invented the knitting machine in 1589. Over the years, their contribution to Xmas culture and the advancement of the Xmas mythology has been immeasurable. For example, it is inarguably the ability of machine-knit sweater manufacturers to include light up lights and sequins and beads that have popularized the electric lights and tinsel now common in all Xmas trees. The nose that lights up on the end of Rudolph's face is another example of the technological innovation that has spurred an entire industry.
We strongly urge you to include machine-knit and store-bought Xmas sweaters in your contest so as not to discriminate and cause severe economic harm to the entire Xmas industry.
We will be reviewing all our legal options, and are prepared to exercise them to the fullest extent of the law. We look forward to your response.
Donner, Dasher & Blitzen, Esq.
Well, as you can imagine, I was rather surprised.
After consultations with legal counsel, I have been advised that if this were to go to a jury trial, my chances would be only 50-50, and that would be only if the jury were from the upper west side of Manhattan. If they chose to file suit in another venue, like say near the North Pole, my chances of victory would plummet to no better than 1%.
So, upon the advice of counsel, effective immediately the contest will be expanded to include machine-knit and store-bought garments. "Machine-knit" does not include t-shirts. However, athletic ensembles (such as track suits) will be considered on a case by case basis. (Yes, Kay, this means you.) You may enter more than once.
The deadline will also be changed, to take full advantage of sweaters that may be received on Xmas day. The new deadline is December 27.
Prize? Still 2 skeins of the luscious Lorna Laces shepherd sport yarn in Tahoe colorway.
Questions? Again, send them to knitilda AT verizon DOT net. Good luck. I really mean it.
Pues, mira. El otro di'a recibi' una carta de unos abogados. Ellos me dijeron que no era justo e iba a dan~ar la industria entera de jerseys de Xmas si no incluyo sue'teres hecha por maquina y comprado en las tiendas en mi concurso. Y que yo era pesada tambien.
Hice mis consultaciones con mis abogados, y ellos me avisaron que no teni'a ningun chance de ganar si el asunto apareci'a fuera de Manhattan. Asi' que, he revisado las reglas del concurso.
Efectivamente, el concurso para lo mas feo sueter de Xmas incluye los sueteres y prendas hecha por maquina o comprado en las tienda. Los "t-shirts" o camisetas no son incluidos, pero los jueces tal vez pueden aceptar "track suits" (los que usan los atletas).
La fecha tambien cambia al 27 de diciembre, para dar chance a los que reciben las prendas estas para Navidad. Siento que es antes que Reyes Magos, pero todavi'a no he visto ningunas prendas con esa tema puesto. No voy a comentar nada sobre el estilo de los latinos, y como no son como los ingleses y americanos comprando y peor todavia portando prendas con arboles y Santa y.... pues ya. Dije demasiado.
El premio queda igual -- la lana de Lorna's Laces en azules. 2 madejas.
Preguntas? Escribame a: knitilda ARROBAS verizon PUNTO net.
Buena suerte. Sinceramente.